Hall of Records - Illustration

Hall of Records

Hall of Records

The Library - Illustration

The Library

The Library

Exit - Illustration

Exit

Exit

Diagram of the Aqueduct in Space

Aqueduct in Space

Aqueduct in Space

Diagram of the Pool

In the Pool

Friday, January 07, 2056, 6pm

What did I do? I screamed. I yelled. I yelled, “Help me!”

And to my great pleasure something happened. Not as dramatic as I might have hoped for, but well enough. Very slowly, I began to be able to make out to large orange rings in front me about a meter above the surface of the pool. When I say very slowly I mean like the sunrise in the morning. I next was able to make out a small waterfall coming out of each ring. Behind me I could next see a larger half ring acting as a gateway for water leaving the pool. As time passed, I could see a large red and blue wall enclosing most of the pool except for space near the larger ring.

I swam over to the larger ring to see what else there was to see. I think the proper name for the ring is torus, which, if it means shaped liked a doughnut, would be about right. I could see now that a long orange wall had enclosed a space in the shape of an ellipse with the pool at one end. The ellipse was about two football fields long and one football field in the middle; or about 200 meters by 100 meters.

Down the middle of the ellipse ran a stream running from the base of the waterfall issuing from the pool to the opposite end of the ellipse where it seemed to meet the orange wall. The slow moving stream was about two meters wide and was lit somehow from below like the pool. On either side of the stream there were stone paths, each about a meter wide, which ran the length of the stream. Seeing how regular everything was laid out made the last features seem a little out of place. The last feature was three smaller streams that issued from the main stream, extended a short ways, and then seemed to end in orange doughnuts the size of the two above the pool.

As time passed, two profound changes took place. First, the orange walls and rings all came alive with orange fire. Second, all of the space above and below the elliptical firewall was filled with stars. Stars brighter than you might see in the desert. Stars brighter than you might even see in space. This brightness was all the stranger given that the orange light from the fire should have obscured their light the way that light from a city obscures the stars at night. My words cannot portray how awesome this sight was. It was so beautiful. I think I just stared at it all for a couple hours without thinking anything other than how beautiful it all was. This seemed like a good point to call it a day. Given the ease with which I have been able to come to the Other Place lately, I had no doubt that I would have no trouble returning. So I willed my self to wake up.

Upon waking up in my Normal Place, I decided that I would like to make a representation of what I had seen. I am no artist and I have no such background. So I spent the afternoon playing with a basic drawing program. The results are fantastic, but I hope they are good enough to capture the essence of what I have seen.

SPLASH!

Friday, January 07, 2056, 9am

The sun woke me up this morning. There is a clear blue sky outside allowing the sun to flood into my apartment. This sunshine is unexpected as I have been too lazy to watch the weather report. There is hardly anyone out and about in Kiev as today is Orthodox Christmas. Last night was Holy Supper. It was nice to have so many of the family over. I’m afraid I fell asleep half way through the evening. I consumed way too much good food and wine.

Well, I have a lot to write in my journal today. I have decided that I can’t call my falling dream a dream any longer. Calling it a dream is misleading and doesn’t acknowledge its uniqueness. What shall I call it? “My Journey into the Twilight Zone,” after the old television show? My Other Reality? My Night Reality? Maybe using the word reality is a little too strong. Maybe I could refer to my night experience as my “Other Place.” I guess that will do for now.

This journal is not turning out as I expected. With this entry, I can see that its main focus is becoming my Other Place. Before I started this journal, I was thinking of writing down a few interesting episodes from my life and as much good advice as I could come up with for my family. Now I just want to record what is happening with me while I sleep.

OK, here goes. Last night I repeated the falling episode in the Other Place. Only this time, as the first light of the pool came into view, I changed my belly down position. I pulled my legs underneath me and straightened out so that I was now falling feet first. My theory was that, as I did not know how fast I was falling, it would be safer to land feet first. What to do with my hands and arms gave me a couple of choices. As fast as I was going I did not want the impact with the water to catch and injure my hands or arms. I seem to remember from my long ago training in the army that you should protect your face with your hands as close to your body as possible. On the other hand, I was thinking that I was going to need to get to the surface as quickly possible. So it would be nice to have my arms held above me so that I could take a quick stroke. I suppose that one hand over my face and one hand held above me would be silly. I think I’ll compromise by holding my arms over my head but squeezing them as tight as possible to my head.

The pool is getting larger now. How fast could I be going? Well, here goes, I hope that I don’t pass out. Most of all I hope that it doesn’t hurt. Hold your breath! Splash! Man, did that hurt. Oh god, I am deep. I stoke and then kick for the surface of the pool. I don’t think that I am going to make it. I want to breathe so much. I breaststroke, frog kick, dolphin kick, glide and repeat. I try to breathe the tablespoon of air in my mouth, it does not help. Just a couple of more strokes and I just might make it.

Air! Air! Air! As I float on my back I wait for my heart to settle down. I start to think that there is something very strange, besides everything that I have noted before. I swam to the surface, not like a 99 year old, but like I was still a beach lifeguard back in Santa Monica, California. That was eighty long years ago. I brought my right hand up to my face. My God, it’s not my hand, it’s not my arm. Actually, it is, but from eighty years ago. I am strong, tan and young from a time long ago. This certainly made the fall worthwhile. And this is no dream. I am awake and living all of this.

Now what do I do? I am treading water in a large, circular and warm pool surrounded by blackness. Now what do I do?

Falling Into the Round Pool

I Have Seen the Light

Tuesday, January 04, 2056, 11:15pm

I knew I should have stopped obsessing about my dream that’s not a dream. I had it again. This time it came back after four days, instead of twenty years. This time I almost reached the end of my fall. Strangely, for the first time I did not feel as though death was eminent. And boy, did it seem real.

This time I saw a light below. I was falling like a parachutist. Arms and legs outstretched with my navel leading the way. And, like so many bad dreams, I had no clothes on. Naked as the day I was born, as the saying goes. The light got slowly larger and I could tell that it was a light blue circle. As I approached faster and faster the circle grew. It looked like a circular swimming pool lit from under the water. Too soon I was only about ten meters above what I could clearly see was a pool of water. I was in a perfect position for a gigantic belly flop. However, I was traveling way to fast to make this any sort of fun. This was going to hurt. I have jumped into water from some heights in my life. Like off of the pier in Santa Monica. But this was from too great of a height and I was traveling much too fast. And most critically, I am 99 years old.

So I woke myself up. This time it was almost effortless. This time I awoke still on my back. Neither was sweat pouring off my body.

I wonder if I am losing it. I’ve been blessed with the use of my mind thus far in my life. Is my mind going to go before my body? I hope not. My Grandmother’s last years were lost to the family. She was here in body, but her mind, her personality disappeared. I would rather spare my family of that burden. I think I am just overreacting.

I need to sleep. Sleep is a great cure for a troubled mind. The rising sun will bring a new day and if I am lucky, Anastasiya will visit me.

Am I Wrong About my Falling Dreams?

Tuesday, January 04, 2056, 9pm

I have been thinking. What if I am wrong about my falling dreams? I call them dreams even though I think they are something else. What if I am bailing out before something interesting happens? Or is bailing out the smartest thing I can do? I heard somewhere that if you die in your dream that you die for real. Is that what I am looking at here? Heck, I don’t know.

I have always been afraid of this falling dream or experience. Tonight I doubt myself. Honestly, what is the mostly result of not bailing? I bet I just finish the dream and it never bothers me again. It is strange. I have passed most of my life afraid of this dream. Tonight I feel different. I feel more curious than frightened. Am I just obsessing about this too much? I probably am.

I guess I’ll just have to sleep on it.

Borscht for Lunch

Tuesday, January 04, 2056, 2pm

It is still snowing. Tanya, my beautiful wife, is in the kitchen making borscht, or Ukrainian beet soup. The only way this day could get better would be if Anastasiya could come over to visit.

The snow continues to fall. Most people aren’t working today so it is rather quiet outside. I look at the paths that people take. Most of the paths are not where the sidewalks have been built. I think the city planning department could learn from the people themselves where they want their sidewalks. They could wait until a good snowfall and then plan the cities sidewalks according to where people actually want to walk. Of course, that will never happen.

I can see Tanya and talk to her from here in the living room while she is cooking her borscht. One of the best things that we did to this apartment before we moved in was to tear down the wall separating the kitchen from the living room. That change has made for a much cozier apartment.

I always chuckle a bit when I have a bowl of Tanya’s borscht with black bread. I love it so much. I can’t believe how much I used to hate beets when I was little. Thanksgiving used to be a particular time that my mother used to afflict me with that dish. I guess most foods are enjoyable if they are prepared right.

I have a little stack of books here by me, just in case Anastasiya drops by. Or I guess I should say “is dropped by,” since she is only four years old. I have the books that I used to read to my daughter Julia when she was the same age. The Cat in the Hat; One Fish, Two Fish; Three Billy-Goats; Little Red Riding Hood; The Fisherman and his Wife; The Gingerbread Man; and, a few others. Anastasiya usually makes me read all of them in one sitting. Just like her grandmother Julia used to do.

Aha! Speak of the devil. Anastasiya has arrived.

Well, I certainly could use a lot more days like today.

It is Snowing

Monday, January 03, 2056

I love to watch the snow fall from the sky. Today’s fall brings my favorite kind of snowflakes. Big, fluffy, lazy snowflakes; taking their time; uncaring of the problems of you and I; uniting to change the world.

I grew up in and around Los Angeles, California. Santa Monica wasn’t too bad. But the San Fernando Valley was hell at times. The first half of my life that I spent in semi-desert has given me an appreciation and love for the winters here in Kyiv. I would always take a winter here in Kyiv over a summer in the San Fernando Valley.

I love looking out of the windows of my apartment. A good snowfall makes that even more enjoyable. My living room has nine huge windows, which form a half circle, that give me a great view of the city. The windows draw me to themselves throughout the day. I have never tired of the view from my windows, especially after it snows.

I have a photo file of pictures I have taken of Kyiv from my window. I try to take a photo each anniversary of moving in here. Next month will be my fiftieth anniversary. Counting the photo I took on the day that I moved in that will make fifty-one photos. Together they make an interesting slide show of how Kyiv has changed. When I first moved here, my view from the sixteenth floor allowed me to see over most of the buildings here in Obolon, the district I live in, here in Kyiv. This building was the tallest building for at least two kilometers. Now there are so many high rises here that the evening lights are quite spectacular. This in turn gives me great enjoyment when I look out of my windows at night.

I reread my prior journal entry. It’s kind of depressing stuff. I sound like I am whining too. What the hell am I worried about? Good God, I am almost one hundred years old! I should not be scared. I’ve lived longer than I could have expected. When anyone is this old, dying is an expected part of the immediate future. I shouldn’t be afraid of anything.

I don’t have time to worry about dying. If I was young with a long future in front of me, that would make sense. Worrying doesn’t make sense for me. Not in my situation.

And so what if I die?

How I Know That I am Dying

Sunday, January 02, 2056

Three times before I have felt that I was dying. The most recent time was when I was 79. Actually, the most recent time was Friday, New Year’s Eve. So that makes four times. I have to admit that I don’t think as clearly as I used to.

Each time that I thought I was about to die I had pretty much the same experience. I would be lying in bed on my back. (This is unusual for me because I am usually not able to sleep on my back.) As I drifted into sleep, I would start to feel a little dizzy. Then my whole body would start to feel like I was falling. Not the kind of falling like jumping out of a tree. The kind of feeling of falling I guess you might feel on the moon. It is a much slower feeling of falling. And then the feeling of falling would start to increase. That is about the moment I would think that I was about to die. I knew that if I did not wake up immediately I would die for sure.

Trying to stop the falling was like try to extricate myself from a nightmare, only ten times as hard. I felt as though I had hundreds of small unbreakable ropes wrapping themselves around me, making it impossible to move. All the while I kept falling faster and faster. Breathing became almost impossible. I knew my body was covered in sweat. My increasing feeble struggles stretched out into what seemed like several hours. Finally, using the last pitiful reserves of my willpower, I somehow threw my right shoulder over my left shoulder to roll over onto my stomach and blessedly find myself awake.
I knew for sure that I had come within seconds of dying. Why I don’t understand. I hadn’t had a heart attack or anything. Maybe this dream was going to literally scare me to death? Was it really a dream? It certainly was not like any other dream I have ever had. Well, I have no answers for all of my questions. I do know in my heart that I was going to die though. Of this I am certain.

My New Journal

Sigh. I wrote just three words for my first entry in my new journal. That is pretty pathetic. I will have to try harder.

Well, like I said, I am dying. I guess you could say that we are all dying from the moment of birth. But I don’t mean it in that way. I mean that I am close to the end of my life. Yes. That is much clearer.

I can feel that my end is coming. My health is not too bad considering my age. I just know my time is coming soon. I am 99 years old but I don’t think that I’ll make it to 100. My Doctor seems to think that I have a good four or five years to go. I know that he is wrong. Of course, I could be wrong. I thought that I was dying when I was 79. I wrote nice letters to all of my relatives. That was a little embarrassing. I am too old to be embarrassed anymore.

This little journal is for my great-great-grandson Raul, who was born this past August, and my great-granddaughter Anastasiya, who is now four years old. I hope that in the time left to me I can tell them about my life, with the hope, at the least, that they will find some entertainment in these words.

I Am Dying

Kyiv, Ukraine, European Union
Saturday, January 1, 2056
7:10pm

I am dying.