How I Know That I am Dying

Sunday, January 02, 2056

Three times before I have felt that I was dying. The most recent time was when I was 79. Actually, the most recent time was Friday, New Year’s Eve. So that makes four times. I have to admit that I don’t think as clearly as I used to.

Each time that I thought I was about to die I had pretty much the same experience. I would be lying in bed on my back. (This is unusual for me because I am usually not able to sleep on my back.) As I drifted into sleep, I would start to feel a little dizzy. Then my whole body would start to feel like I was falling. Not the kind of falling like jumping out of a tree. The kind of feeling of falling I guess you might feel on the moon. It is a much slower feeling of falling. And then the feeling of falling would start to increase. That is about the moment I would think that I was about to die. I knew that if I did not wake up immediately I would die for sure.

Trying to stop the falling was like try to extricate myself from a nightmare, only ten times as hard. I felt as though I had hundreds of small unbreakable ropes wrapping themselves around me, making it impossible to move. All the while I kept falling faster and faster. Breathing became almost impossible. I knew my body was covered in sweat. My increasing feeble struggles stretched out into what seemed like several hours. Finally, using the last pitiful reserves of my willpower, I somehow threw my right shoulder over my left shoulder to roll over onto my stomach and blessedly find myself awake.
I knew for sure that I had come within seconds of dying. Why I don’t understand. I hadn’t had a heart attack or anything. Maybe this dream was going to literally scare me to death? Was it really a dream? It certainly was not like any other dream I have ever had. Well, I have no answers for all of my questions. I do know in my heart that I was going to die though. Of this I am certain.